I saw this picture online some time ago (I can;t remember whether it was Instagram or Facebook), but it rang super true to me.
I always have this fear that I’m not good enough. Not worthy, and thus I am super hard on myself as well. Always pushing myself to do more, be more, become more. And yet, still feeling super inadequate for whatever I’m doing, or planning to do.
Is it self-confidence? Maybe.
Did my parents push me this hard? Not at all.
Was I an overachiever? Hell, never, I was that pretty mediocre average student.
I’ve never really been overachieving, or super-competitive. I’m cool with just being in the middle, going along with the school of other mediocre fishies. Yet, I never feel like I’m good enough to swim with those fishies. Go figure.
Sigh. Don’t think this will ever change, really. But I am trying to work on it. Maybe I’m just an Atelophobe to the n-th degree. or maybe I’m just a stubborn hardass who never accepts recognition and gives it to others.
It might also tie to the fact that I feel I have completely lost my mojo. My spark. My snark. Boo hiss. Please can I get it back Santa?